Parenting and Reverse Psychology

When you look over the couple hundred posts that make up this blog, you may notice that for a blog called DangerMenParenting, there is in fact very little discussion of parenting.  In fact, beer and football make up the vast majority of content, and I won't apologize for that.  I will however try to splice in some funny stories and advice about raising kids in this iteration as I realize my clock to be an empty nester is rapidly ticking.

My 14yo son is fantastic.  He's a good student, he has a good sense of humor, he doesn't take himself too seriously and he's been brainwashed into being a Celtics and Patriots fan.  By almost any measure, he's my best friend.  That doesn't mean I don't want to strangle him at various moments.

If he has one fatal flaw, it would be that he has low grade Oppositional Defiance Disorder.  We've never had him diagnosed, but yes, it's apparently a real thing...  Although 30 years ago kids with this disorder were just called assholes, and this is one of those times I can't tell if we're progressing as a society or not.  Alas I digress...

The bottom line is anything you suggest to my son, he relexively says no too.  He's not mean about it, and it truly is reflexive.  There is no higher thinking, he just says no.  Also, when you factor in the fact that he's pretty smart and really stubborn, he tends to commit to the no and starts arguing with you.  Let me provide two examples from this past week.

Example #1

Me: Yo, come upstairs and eat dinner.

Him: Nah, I'm not hungry right now.

Me: I don't care, the whole family is home, so at least come sit at the table.

Him: Do I have to?  I just started a Fortnite game.

Me (starting to lose my shit): I don't give a shit, get up here.

Him (Walking into the kitchen): What's for dinner?  I'm starving.

Me: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. (Not actually, but I thought it.)

Example #2
Me: Hey, you want to do see Predator: Badlands?

Him: Nah, that movie is buns, all of my friends say so. (Note the movie has been out for 5 hours and all of his friends have been at school during this window).

Me: Ok, I'll catch the late show tonight so I can spend time with you guys.

FFWD to 9:35pm...

Him: Where are you going?

Me: I'm going to see the new Predator movie.

Him: Can I come to?

Me: Noooo, I'm 47 and a big boy so I can come home at 12:30am on a Thursday.  You sir, cannot.

Him: Grumble, grumble, bitch, complain (I admit I had stopped listening at this point, but this is the gist of what he was saying, I'm sure of it.)

Me (Reluctantly): Hey, there is a 7pm show tomorrow.  I can wait, do you want to go then?

Him: No, that movies sucks, everyone says so.

Me: Why you little!

I think what kills me more than anything, is that he's been this way his entire life.  He's been absurdly contrary since he was a baby, and after 14 years he still gets my goat with it.  I like to think I'm a learning creature, but I still have't figure out how to weaponize revese pychology in a meaningful way to make this les frustrating.  What am I supposed to say, "Hey son, it's a good thing you're not allowed to eat dinner with the family tonight.  We really don't want you there...."

I think that would both land me in family court, and he'd likely agree in that case, make a pizza, go play Madden and leave soda cans all over my basement.

Anyways, maybe I'll figure this out by the time he moves out, if not, at least he roots for the right sports teams:)

PS If you didn't read yesterday, I nailed the Patriots game last night.  My only surprise was that Diggs looked better against man coverage than I expected.  Solid win on a short week.  We are on to Cincinnati!